8 lbs, 13 oz

Adam has moved back up past his birth weight, and succeeded, for the second week in a row, in satisfying his pediatrician at his weight check. He now weighs more than a gallon of milk, and also lacks the convenient handle. If he were a kitten I could carry him around by his neck, but I understand that's frowned upon with human babies. As I also lack a marsupial pouch, we're having to make do with the best sling in the known universe. As soon as I put him into it, he passes out. So much more convenient than turning the gas on and sticking his head in the oven!*

I was going to write about the "breast is best" people, but Adam is fussing and Matt wants to change the water in the fish trank, so it looks like my computer time is up. Next time.

*That was a joke, people! Geez. Anyway, our oven is electric.

Baby Book Club

I've started reading The Silmarillion to Adam. I realize that I've left this a little late - he was three weeks old when we started, which means he'll probably be laughing at my pronunciation and pointing out the bits that are inconsistent with the appendices in The Return of the King.

He seemed far more interested in the descriptions of Melkor than he was in any of the other Vala. I hope it's not a sign.

You can be anything you want to when you grow up, Adam, but I'd really rather you didn't set your sights on "Dark Power of the World." And don't be a furry, either. That's just icky.

Observations

Middle names are used in baby announcements and when the kid has pissed you off. Otherwise, they're pretty much non-existent. Memo to self: try to find out when the practice of giving middle names began. Also, invest in voice recognition software to aid in Googling while nursing.

The following foods can be eaten one-handed while nursing:

• Granola bars
  
• Hot pockets (microwave half an hour ahead to avoid molten cheese effect)
  
• Raw veggies (buy pre-washed, or have someone prepare them. Make Bugs Bunny voices at baby while eating whole carrots.)
  
• Cookies
  
• Half PB&J folded over
  
• Hot dog in bun (no trimmings, unless you want to baptise the baby in relish)
  
• Anything in a glass - try using the sippy cups; the kid won't be needing them for a while.
  
• Burritos
  
• RenFest turkey leg (beware of dripping grease)
  
• Pint of Guiness
  
• Multi-vitamins
  
• Soylent green (full of essential protein!)

Moo.

Serving No Purpose

Okay, really, people. The next time my phone rings, I swear, I'm going to throw it against the wall.

I have a phone list all typed out. Those of you who are on it are aware of that fact, and are also aware of who you are required to call when (and I can't emphasize this enough) when I call you.

It serves no purpose to keep calling me, unless your aim is to make me even crankier than I already am. I promise, I will not forget about you. You will all hear when the kid arrives. Until then, please try to understand: I have very little to discuss, and no real desire to rehash my boring day 27 different times. I do not want to discuss the state of my cervix with you. I consider that private - I'm just funny that way.

If there were news, I would let you know. As I have not done so, please, for the love of G-d, leave me alone. If I'm still waiting around, I don't want to answer questions about when I'm going to have that baby. If I'm in labor, I don't want to answer questions. If I'm forcibly ejecting a miniature person from my internal organs, I don't want to answer the phone.

So have a little faith in my dialing abilities, okay?

Not Yet

In case the hordes of people who have been calling me every five seconds think to look here:

No. No Frodo yet. Friday at the latest. I don't want to talk to any of you. Bugger off.

Technical Difficulties

Absence of blog has been remedied after months of technical difficulties!

Umm... I kinda forgot my password...