Season of Potlucks and Passive Aggression

We went to a potluck this past weekend.

It was a birthday party for a friend of the UnSpouse, and most of the guests were firmly in the UnSpouse's friends/my acquaintances camp. I'm not complaining about this; I think it's a good thing that our social circles haven't melded into one big blob.

But there's this one woman.

As far as I can tell, she's never had a very good opinion of me. I don't recall giving her any particular reason to dislike me, so I can only assume:

She's been carrying a torch for the UnSpouse all these years, and sees me as competition

She's freakishly protective of the UnSpouse, and sees me as a bad influence/gold-digger/whore

She's a bitch very unhappy person

Let's call her M, shall we? M is a master of both the passive-aggressive snark and the whiny poor-me act; it's rare to see them married so well. Tip of the hat, and all.

So there I was, chatting with S, towards whom I'm pretty neutral: she seems nice enough, but we've never really clicked. M is also sitting nearby, and some woman I've never met, when the conversation turns to the Harry Potter movie. Someone mentions Helena Bonham Carter, and Stranger says "isn't she the one that's married to Tim Burton?"

"No," M replies,"they have a child, and they live next door to one another. Because marriage would just be too much." There's a vindictive look in her eyes, or maybe I just imagined that bit.

Commence general pile-on over women who would dare to ape the form and conventions of the sacred institution of marriage, without claiming their G-d-given tax incentive. Yea verily, we must protect marriage from teh gays, and how can we possibly do that if women don't follow The Rules? (No idea where the men are in this fantasyland.)

Hello? I'm sitting right here. Really? You're going to do this now?

And there's that moment, where you think about saying something, and you realize, no - I just don't care enough. If it were a friend? Yeah, I would have called them on it. That's not only based on snobbish and, dare I say, bullshit assumptions, it's just plain rude. But M? Nope. Can't work up even a tiny bit of energy for that fight.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get on with breaking commandments and seducing impressionable young people to the Dark Side.

Conspiracy Theories

Emailing with Formerly Blogless Annie at work today regarding the Crazy Harry Potter Lady:

S: What on earth would we do without the wingnuts? Who would we laugh at?

A: Is so true. Maybe there really is a grand Illuminati-style world conspiracy, but instead of being run by Jews it's being run by people who need a good laugh. And they put people like Harry-Potter-Lady up to things like this, subliminally. It's so insane it's almost deliberate.

S: Sigh – I do see the fun in conspiracy theories – it’s a way to make sense of the nonsensical world.

A: Yes, it really does help make sense of things. Like there HAS to be some grand, overarching scheme to everything, because otherwise it's just too bizarre for words.

My grandma thinks the Jews are in charge, but then, she's kinda crazy now, and possibly has been for a while. Now that I think about it.

Fess up. worldwide Jewish conspiracy? and if so, how long? and why haven't you managed to fix more shit? c'mon. like you're not even trying.

S: Is all part of the grand plan. Secretly control everything. Do not fix, in attempt to convince fools that we are not secretly controlling everything. Get together in secret. Wear funny hats. Laugh at everyone else.

A: Funny hats are key. You can't run the world without them. Also, you should have robes of some sort, because robes make you more important. And some flickering candles, indicating how drafty the room is. Somehow, it's not a conspiracy if it's not borrowing from quasi-medieval Da Vinci Code-style motifs.