Toddler Logic

On the phone yesterday:
"I had a purple lunch box and I went to college and I drove my car to college and I opened my purple lunch box and it had macaroni and all kinds of food that was in my purple lunch box."

At dinner last night, after standing all his fusili up in a pile of pasta sauce:
"I'm putting candles on the cake. (Singing, hands waving toward face*) Happy birthday to dear mommy, bringing in the light, bringing in the light, bringing in the light for Shabbat."

*This is what you do when you light the Shabbat candles.

Topping the Billboard Charts

(Overheard while Adam was singing to his shoes. To the tune of "Where is Thumbkin.")

In my shoe I have a chutzpah,
Here it is, here it is!

Discerning Taste

Adam has discovered the wonder that is Jonathan Coulton. He likes to hold my hands and spin in circles doing the Mr. Fancy Pants dance. When we finish that, he asks me to play the Monkey Song. I plan to try him out on Skullcrusher Mountain next; just the thing for a budding evil genius.

For those of you who've been living under a rock for even longer than I have, Jonathan Coulton writes songs and puts them up on the interwebs for free. Or mainly free. They're licensed under Creative Commons, which "provides free tools that let authors, scientists, artists, and educators easily mark their creative work with the freedoms they want it to carry. You can use CC to change your copyright terms from 'All Rights Reserved' to 'Some Rights Reserved.'" So you can buy the songs, or just listen to them, or make copies of them, or make videos of dubious quality and put them up on Youtube.

All of which is pretty cool, of course, but the more important thing is that there's a guy out there who's devoted his life to writing songs about half-monkey, half-pony monsters. And my kid likes him, too.

What the World Needs Now

Adam has been growling out a death metal/hardcore variant of "ha motzi lechem min ha'aretz*, roar, roar, roar!"

I suspect G-d has a far better sense of humor than most people credit him with, and that he finds it as charming as I do.

*The blessing over challah

Also, the Emperor Is Totally Naked

So, last night Matt was sitting on the floor reading the paper.

Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he was failing to defend the paper from Adam, who wants to do everything Daddy does these days. Being the wise fellow that he is, he decided to sacrifice the front section in hopes of getting a look at the others.

Adam was thrilled to have his own newspaper, and ran over to show me.

"Mommy, see the monkey? Mommy see the monkey?" He shoved the paper at me.

It took me a moment to realize that he was pointing to a picture of our illustrious president.

I swear, I haven't been coaching him.

Things I Never thought I'd Say

Your penis is inside your diaper right now; you can see it later.

Oh Noes!

We're all out of bar fruit, and I don't know when I'll get to Trader Joe's to pick up more. Looks like a steady diet string cheese and water from the monkey bottle for my kid for the near future.

Public Service Announcement

Banana sticker fall OFF wen' aWAY!

Which pretty much sums up my life lately. Make of it what you will.

Fun Parenting Moments

Adam just pooped in the bathtub. We had to throw away a toothbrush.

Someday, he'll be mortified that I posted this.

At least there aren't photos.

So Priketh Hem Nature in Hir Corages

Lately, my head's been full of a confused jumble of springtime thoughts. I've had an overwhelming urge to make things grow, and possibly do some frolicking. It's all very odd and pastoral.

This past Saturday, it came to a head: I woke Matt up and told him we either needed to go buy plants, or have another baby.

I've never seen the man get dressed and into the car so quickly.

We went to the Fred Meyer garden section, which makes up for not being a proper nursery by being very, very close to home, and a better place for Adam to run around. I wanted my usual herbs and vegetables (yes, I still harbor the delusion that I can not only tend plants until they turn into food, but that I can then get it together enough to cook with them), but this time I also wanted actual, honest-to-G-d flowers. Pretty, fragrant, blooming things. And I wanted to get down in the dirt and plant them, and pull weeds so the new flowers could be happy.

It's possible I'm becoming a grown-up.

We bought a bunch of seeds - I've never in my life grown anything from a seed. I can't explain why I got seeds instead of starts, except that I saw the seed packets first, and they seduced me with words like "organic" and "heirloom." Beans, peas, carrots, tomatoes, rosemary, parsley, cilantro, basil, nasturtiums. I did get a few starts, since I feel slightly more competent with those: more tomatoes (cherry and Roma), sage, and dill.

As of last night, all the starts and all the vegetable seeds are planted. I pulled weeds out of all my pots and my tomato bed, and was surprised to see that last year's sage, oregano, and lavender all survived the winter and the opportunistic boarders. Per-en-ni-al. Huh. So I shuffled things around slightly, and introduced Fresh, Young Sage with Big Dreams to Wise Old Sage with White Beard. I'm sure they'll get on famously.

Adam helped the whole process by moving dirt around and bringing us tools he thought we might need. (Daddy! Big shovel!)

Of course, because I'm a big dork with a new obsession, I had to go buy a book about it. Because, you know, the problem isn't that I forget to water things. The problem is clearly Lack of Book.

I still need to clear the planter boxes so I can start the herb and tomato seeds in them; I should be able to do it after work on Thursday.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll snap out of this soon.

Idiocy

I just saw a kid, maybe eight or nine years old, skating through a busy parking lot on her stupid wheelie shoes.

Adam will never have wheelie shoes.

What Have I Been Doing?

Oy. What haven't I been doing?

I've been dyeing up a heap of Ryan's avalanche yarn for another Dulaan sweater. I've been nursing a sick kid through every common illness the planet has to offer. I've been knitting. I've been spinning. I've taken road trips and played hooky from work, all at the same time (because I'm very talented). I've failed to prepare the house for Pesach. I've taught my son the word "elephant." I've started to prepare my fleece and nearly skewered myself with a flick carder. I've finished one book and watched two movies. I've read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? ad nauseum.

Haven't done a single bit of laundry, though.

Vaguely Sequiturial

See, Adam's been playing with this slinky, and I was trying to remember the slinky song, and then it all went downhill.

Three Syllables

Adam's latest words:

Quesadilla ('dilla)
Dinosaur (DYE-d-sowah*)

* That's one syllable, half a syllable, and a syllable and a half.
1 + .5 + 1.5 = 3

Simple Things: A Good Shabbos

Lousy Smarch

I am so effin' sick of snow.

Adam is getting his last set of molars, and decided to stay up all night. Matt was doing after-hours work on-site, so guess who got to extoll the many virtues of going back to sleep to a completely unreceptive audience.

Two hours of sleep. All night. And now snow!

Simple Things: The Sandbox

Baby Book Club: Adam's Pick

Adam has adopted my copy of Yarn Harlot: The Secret Life of a Knitter. No other book will do. Every morning he grabs it off the dining room table (yes, my books live on the dining room table; don't yours?) and dances around with it. Then he chews on it a bit and tells me there's a sheep on it.

I'll make a knitter out of him yet.

Things to Remember

6 ounces per week of light tuna is okay for toddlers; Albacore is not recommended due to higher mercury content.

I have to look that up every time. At least now I'll know where to look.

What I Didn't Do Last Night

I didn't watch the State of the Union address.

I won't have that sort of filth in the house; I have a toddler to think about.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, though, I read about it today. Let's run through the salient points, shall we?

Health Care:
There's a lovely deconstruction of this happening over at Making Light. (I know, I know, do I ever read anything else? Just go.)

Alternative Fuel:
You know what? Not even touching that one. Gun, fish, barrel.

Give War a Chance:
Work with me on this, folks; it's gonna happen this time, just be patient? Hey, Moron, what have we been doing for the past 8,000 corpses?

Sigh.